Some of the 'costs' of art and being creative.
Where the darker sides of creativity lurk.
Another sponsored ad pops up on my Instagram Stories this week promoting the fact that ink and paper prices are increasing, my immediate thought was “great – I guess I won’t be producing any art prints then.” A day later, one of my favourite art suppliers boasts a “massive sale” alas not much I collect for my workshops and personal arts practice were discounted. The ads continue with a promotion for how I can complete a course to discover what equipment I will need for a printing business that will (wait for it) earn me a six-figure income. Yep, cool – good to know! I have worked in tertiary and community arts education for over 13 years, and it continues to bother me to see how we are bombarded by promotions, promises, and new perspectives, suddenly my fear of increased prices of art and printing supplies are now entangled with the latest education program I need (well, I don’t want to start a printing business but if I did…). I wonder if you have ever experienced that new student high? You know that feeling of starting something completely fresh, the excitement for gaining new knowledge, fresh insight, and a unique perspective? Yes? Me too! I love learning new things (and I need to for my work to remain current and curious) but being forever creative at work and in play with that continued feeling of ‘the restless quest’ brings me a whole special kind of exhaustion, enter my darker side…
Hello, thanks for joining us – everyone meet the darker side of my creativity (Star Wars puns, not here but run with it as you will…). So, allow me to introduce you to my lurking friend, the one who knows just when to step in and quash a brilliant and new idea, the one who pops in unexpected when you start to critique a new painting you haven’t even finished yet, the one who knows what truly gets you excited but makes sure you do everything but that, the one that gives you an incredible burst of energy looking at a new art exhibition or book, you will like you could do achieve anything – oh no you don’t says that darker side! The energy zapping and taking my internal zest for all things creative can be quickly challenged by these feelings.
Many would call it these days as imposter syndrome, but I don’t and feel at times it is difficult to recognise. I first spoke publicly about this darker side at a talk (with some workshop elements) I gave on building your creative confidence for the Boroondara Creative Network last month (June 2023). I also know we have people in our lives that make us feel uncomfortable when you share your latest ideas, do you notice when they quash your thoughts with their own negative feelings towards your success or excitement? My darker creative side does this too! I am at the point in my career that I feel confident in the range of creative capacities I can bring to the discussion or problem, so I hear you ask then “what’s the problem Miranda?” The problem is that if I don’t program regular breaks in my week for play, exploration, and rest without pressure, the flow of my creativity becomes all out of sync.
I have become increasingly aware over the past few months with the more routine use of AI (Artificial Intelligence) in a myriad of contexts, the rise to the cost of living particularly in Australia, and that every aspect of my work in the academy and in arts education relies on my creativity and that I must look after it more than ever! So, how can I get back on track when things go awry, when life just happens – and I get sick, the kids get sick, I feel panicked and overwhelmed, and the regular routines all but fly out the window, etc! Here is my list of things I need to nourish my creative capacities (some things I do alone and with my family), in no particular order:
Sing and dance
Regularly visit the National Gallery of Victoria, Heide Museum of Modern Art, Latrobe Regional Gallery (used to sell my textiles in their shop when my children were babies), and The Ian Potter Centre: NGV Australia to name a few!
Drink coffee and eat excellent croissants (not all are created equal)
Go on country trips
Watch the sunrise and sunset
Buy beautiful books on arts and culture and everything in-between (hard copies).
My methods are basic but essential, hence why during the COVID-19 pandemic related restrictions I had a terrible time with the flow of my creativity. I was veering towards a state of burnout with postgraduate study, work, small children, a household to look after, and creating for myself took the backseat, AND the constant stream of negativity was too much. I would have surges of creativity to help my children paint the boxes our food orders came in, to turn them into crafty toy boxes, we made story murals using my endless brown paper roll that I drew with Posca markers and let them colour-in with paint, and we had a ‘kindergarten’ room with zones to replicate the learning they had before COVID hit. I started at WhatsApp group for our kinder group parents and children to share a weekly art activity on the Monday, and at the end of the week we would have a crazy loud live group call! I also showed off early on into the lockdowns (when I was not sick and tired of my kitchen yet) and made crepes that were all shapes (typically dinosaurs and unicorns) and to my detriment had to then make them all the time.
Oh, dear what a drainer it became! One morning, in lockdown I just couldn’t make another cleverly shaped crepe! I went back to a dinner plate sized circular shape, and they asked, “what is it Mummy?” and I quickly replied saying, “it’s the moon!” I don’t know where that came from (I am not always so quick witted)! The accepted it lovingly with a smile, phew! My life as a creative is messy, thrilling, and at times it feels quite mad, but it is exactly how I like to function, and when I am firing on all cylinders, I can feel the magic happen. That said, without the stillness, the looking, and the time away from the tools – I can feel lost and unfulfilled. My workshops help me come back, reset, and remember that a creative practice offers meaning, deep insight, and recouperation.
I would love to hear what aspects of your week could fuel your creative capacities and have some ideas how we could work with these through some drawing exercises (I promise these are coming to soon!). Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!
Miranda
xx